I remember when I went through my own divorce, I felt lost, scared, anxious and filled with questions, sound about right?
Who expects us to know what we’re doing when we’re faced with our marriage ending? Do you tell your friends and family first and hope they know what you’re supposed to do? And what makes them your expert? They may be working from good intentions, but this isn’t the time to build allies around you to support your ‘story.’ This is the time however, for you to get EDUCATED and getting educated doesn’t mean talking to someone you know about THEIR experience, since their situation may be very different from yours.
We’ve all heard the ugly stories of him or her getting left with ‘nothing,’ how someone got “screwed over,” how it costed 10’s of thousands of dollars or worse, but it doesn’t have to be like this……..
We’re our own worst enemies when we bring our raw emotions to the negotiating table, or when we expect to make our soon to be ex ‘pay financially’ for our hurt. The courts are filled with “he did this, she did that” or what I otherwise refer to as our ‘story’ (I’m certainly not including situations where out right abuse, or safety is a part of the file) and so long as we dwell in our ‘story’ we stay stuck in the past and usually spinning our wheels.
If we let our emotions take over, there’s little doubt that your in for a long, expensive, drawn out process that only results in leaving you broke, bitter and even more resentful. If you set out and commit to being productive under tough circumstances, then at least you’re working forward to close the chapter, which usually results in a more time and cost effective method.
Separate the emotions from the business, the business doesn’t take near as long as the emotions do to resolve, but you need to get beyond the business before you can start to rebuild your independent futures.